I know what you’re thinking, “There’s another salty as fuck single person on Valentine’s Day.” And yeah, that may be true. Every year for the past 22 years, I’ve been forced to deal with a holiday that’s all about love and boyfriends and girlfriends and romance… let me stop before I gag. Even when I was in a relationship, this holiday sucked. So yeah, I’m not a fan.
Luckily, I’ve become a pro at getting through this day.
I’m still here, aren’t I? Alive and well, too! If you’ve found yourself in a similar situation as myself (let’s be friends), or if this is your first Valentine’s Day as a single (congrats!), keep reading for a few tips on how to survive the literal worst day of the year.
1. Buy yourself the damn chocolate
Or flowers, or chocolate covered strawberries. Buy yourself chocolate covered whatever, because you deserve it even though a piece-of-shit guy isn’t buying it for you. You deserve to have an Instagram story (and stomach) filled with delicious snacks too. Single girls like chocolate too, people!!! Don’t discriminate!
2. DO NOT go on a “casual” date with a guy friend
This is an absolute no. This will give him the wrong idea, and everyone around you will think you’re a couple and make weird references and it’ll be awkward for the both of you. Avoid this. Stay home.
3. Cut back on social media
This is obvious, and a fair warning. Not only will you be ~annoyed~, but you may (or may not) get sad and send a regretful text to someone. Your best bet is to avoid the ‘Gram all day (unless you’re posting pics of the chocolate you bought yourself) and check back in tomorrow.
4. Gather all your single, lady friends
This has always been difficult for me, due to the fact that ALL my best friends always have boyfriends… I’m starting to think I’m the DUFF. Every group has one, and apparently the role has been assigned to me. I’ve always been nice- I’ll take one for the team. I guess.
If you manage to find a group of gals to anti-celebrate with you, have a galentines! Open some wine, bake some cookies, and order pizza. Spend this day of luv with your ride-or-die gal pals.
5. Drink to obvlivion
I only suggest doing this if you have absolutely nothing to do tomorrow and trust your drunk self enough to not text an ex or that guy who never texted you back. Side note: screw him? Wtf. You’re definitely worth a text back. Otherwise, skip this piece of advice for the betterment of yourself and society.
6. Love yourself
Yes, yes, at the end of the day, all you need is YOU and that’s what we have. Buy yourself something you’ve been wanting, put on a face mask, and open a good bottle of wine. Remember that although all the disgusting love being thrown around today may make you slightly nauseous, everyone deserves to express their love and happiness. Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you’re prohibited from celebrating love. You get to love the most important person of all… you! Without self love (by the way, there’s a big difference between self love and narcissism, just FYI), there’s no way to love anyone else.
Happy fucking Valentine’s Day, friends. I’m not even kidding, my eye twitched while writing that. I’ve earned my credibility on this subject, so I hope my professional (ish) advice helps. Cheers to those lucky (I think?) enough to be in relationships, and an even bigger cheers to us loving ourselves enough for two people. Or three… or four. May your day be a little less annoying than you expected, filled with a little more chocolate than you expected, and packed with just enough love.
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